Help.  I need help. I somehow caught myself in a repeating cycle and i cant find my way out.  It feels like i'm repeating the same mondays.  The same christmases.   How many mondays have i done over and over?  i don't feel like i'm moving forward through time, its like i'm too busy repeating the past.  Like my calender was already filled before i was born.  Everything is already booked, i just need to follow as instructed.  This is not living.  This is not a being in the present in the here in the now making decisions based on current events. I am a prisoner forced to listen to physcotics whom can't tell the difference between reality and god fiction preaching hypocrisy while the world burns out of control and i repeat someone else calender filled with non sense.  Forced to move by clock instead of my own rhythms.  Forced to compete when i would rather cooperate.  Encouraged to extort and prostitute my abilities by marketing and research.  My selfish greed is the reason genocide is occurring.  Because i too subscribe to survival of the fittest and throw down in the battle which is survival. To be king you must rise above the majority and leave them in the pit of hell to the death.  I am still a cave man and barbaric.  I still piss on the ground to mark territory.  I believe i can own a piece of this planet and stake a flag to it. i am an idiot.  i fail to realize a truth.  i am the reason world peace fails to exist, i, and all, are not peaceful beings.  We are not the family of mothers fathers daughters and sons loving, caring, living together to ensure the best survival to every single being.  We are no where near.  We are not a people who collaborate and voluntarily offer their best by expressing their creativity of passions in support of one another.  We are not a people globally communicating to survive a species.  We are not citizens in a planetary cooperation united to prevent extinction.  Our normal behavior is not one that is synonymous with peace of any kind, and certainly not a worldly one.  And because i and everyone else must keep repeating history, fully loaded with a shit load of mistakes, i get to repeat them until insanity.  How can i ask for help from beings whom can't tell they too are caught in a very negative loop.  i'd be asking help from the devil. Help!  i'm starting to lose my mind!